DUMB AND DUMBER: From Airlines to O.J.

Reading time: eight minutes.

I know I promised to cut out a few Dumberererers.

I lied. Too much dumbness going on.

Who would have guessed people would want to travel again? I mean, what’s next? Eating out?

Spirit Airlines has canceled hundreds of flights every day this week. Passengers are apoplectic. (American Airlines also canceled flights, but American has relationships with other airlines to provide backup. Spirit charges $50 if you even think of another airline while boarding.)

Spirit blamed the weather, as if the weather is somehow specific to Spirit. It also blamed an IT issue.

But here’s what’s dumb: It also blamed staffing. All airlines have been facing a potential pilot shortage since before the pandemic. Even so, airlines offered pilots early retirements during Covid. Now there’s a scramble to hire, but when you’re paying new pilots less per year than the cost of a decent SUV because your ticker symbol is “SAVE,” well, good luck!

Airlines suck, but passengers suck even harder! Who wants to fly when you’re afraid the guy in 33C is going to lose his sh*t?

It’s hard to pick the worst example this week.

Maybe it’s the 22-year-old flying on Frontier from Philly to Miami who was duct taped to his seat after (allegedly) groping flight attendants and strutting around shirtless for 15 minutes. Then Frontier suspended the flight attendants! It’s Lord of the Flies at 35,000 feet.

Or maybe it’s the guys flying from New Orleans to Austin on American who brawled over a seat which would not return to its upright position.

At least some of those involved in this incident were wearing masks.

True story: Wednesday I flew Southwest from Burbank to Oakland. As we left the gate, a flight attendant told us we had to go back because a passenger decided he/she/they wanted to get off the plane. Everyone looked around, glaring, “Who?”

We waited. And waited.

Suddenly the attendant came back on: “Never mind. The passenger has decided to proceed with the flight.”

I suddenly wished I‘d packed duct tape. Or something. When I mentioned this on Twitter, @dancingbear1976 replied that “Stormy” from the TSA said cable ties and fasteners are allowed. (Next time... )

Activision bought Blizzard Entertainment in 2008 and decided to name the company… Activision Blizzard.

Catchy.

Now the company behind World of Warcraft is in the middle of a Stormrage which began in June.

That’s when California sued the videogame maker for allegedly paying women less than men, denying women the same opportunities to advance, and enabling a “frat boy culture,” where men would joke about things like rape. Because, come on, rape can be hilarious.

The company initially responded by calling the lawsuit a bunch of malarkey, which turned out to be a bad move in the World of PR Craft. The stock price fell in a blizzard of bad headlines, furious employees staged a walkout, a shareholder lawsuit was filed, and the head of compliance deleted her Twitter account after posting an article called, “The Problem with Whistleblowing.”

CEO Bobby Kotick realized time-traveling a PR strategy from 1985 was “tone deaf,” so he replaced the president of the Blizzard Entertainment division with two people, including — wait for it — a woman!

Hey, half the top job is better than none.

In addition, the head of HR has been Doomhammered out of the company.

Perhaps becoming an overnight billionaire in your 30s makes you feel somewhat invincible. Smarter than everyone else. Smart enough to think you can get away with faking a video of your hydrogen-powered truck driving uphill when, in fact, it’s rolling downhill.

Turns out even billionaires are (allegedly) dumb.

Trevor Milton, the 39-year-old founder of Nikola, has been charged with fraud in federal court. “Milton lied about nearly every aspect of the business,” claims the U.S. Attorney.

The pandemic taught us we can work from anywhere. Even billionaires took notice. Elon Musk sold his homes and spends time in Texas. Mark Zuckerberg and Larry Ellison like Hawaii. A lot.

Now Bloomberg reports that Google co-founder Larry Page has received New Zealand residency.

These four Californians together are worth more than a half trillion dollars. That’s about twice the entire state budget. They’re also subjected to the highest tax rate in the nation, which may go up.

The state relies so much on its richest residents that nearly half of all income taxes come from the top 1%, yet California seems to be doing everything it can to encourage them to leave.

Chris Cuomo thought he could help his brother fight an investigation into sexual harassment — I can’t fault him for wanting to help family. What’s dumb is he thought he could keep it a secret and continue to be a “journalist” hosting a nightly news program on a network where he couldn’t cover a big story because he’s part of it.

But much much MUCH dumber is CNN, which continues to employ him and lets him pretend to be a journalist. I mean, I realize that it’s all about the ratings, but... oh, right, it’s all about the ratings.

America swooned over Andrew Cuomo in 2020. He was the best CEO in government, a man rolling up his sleeves to tackle Covid.

At the same time, infected New Yorkers were being sent back to nursing homes to infect others. People died.

That is an evil, callous, and criminal act, if he knew about it. But the video Gov. Cuomo put out this week protesting his innocence against accusations of groping and creepy behavior is just bizarre. As Loyola Law School professor Jessica Levinson put it, “His response felt like it came from a parallel universe.”

Cuomo told the world he’s an affectionate guy, and he had pictures to prove it! Apparently he’s smooched every Democrat going back to FDR.

“Let’s all have a moment of silence for whatever staffer had to put that montage together,” Levinson snarked. "What a hideous job that must have been."

Jessica is my #SnarkSoulMate.

What she finds puzzling, though, is that New York Attorney General Letitia James is leaving it up to local prosecutors to pursue criminal charges, which may be coming.

“Usually there's a turf war where the attorney general says, ‘No, I want to keep this for myself,’” Levinson says, especially if the AG is seeking higher office.

Passing the buck looks especially odd since James is aggressively going after Donald Trump.

“I think it’s just too simplistic to say she goes after Republicans, that she doesn’t go after Democrats,” Levinson argues, “because the first line of her [political] ad could be, ‘I go after anybody — regardless of party affiliation — who behaves badly.’”

O.J. SIMPSON

O.J. is encouraging people to get vaccinated in a bold attempt to rebrand himself as a life-saver instead of a life-taker!

LaGUARDIA AIRPORT

Airport alcohol carries the same profit margin as a ring at Tiffany’s, but when LaGuardia charges $28 for a beer and then claims it was *only* supposed to be $18, it’s time for an audit.

JACK DORSEY’S STYLIST

This:

We wrap up on a positive note.

As if we couldn’t love Dolly Parton more, we’ve learned how she spent some of the buckets of money she made in royalties from Whitney Houston’s cover of Parton's song, “I Will Always Love You.”

Dolly revealed in an interview with Bravo’s Andy Cohen that she took some of that money and built an office complex in a Black neighborhood of Nashville.

“I thought, ‘This is the perfect place for me to be, considering it was Whitney,’” she said.

This is on top of Dolly donating $1 million to develop a Covid vaccine. She has a long history of philanthropy, and the more you give, the more you receive. Forbes estimates Parton’s net worth is a staggering $350 million.

Did I miss anyone or anything? Let me know in the comments, or email jane@janewells.com. Please spread the word to subscribe, it’s free! Here’s the link: janewells.bulletin.com/subscribe